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Humor Archive

Page 32 of our collection of absurdities.

The Hard Times

Man Offers Profound Wisdom After Woman Already Suffered Public Humiliation.

In a display of unparalleled timeliness, a local hero offered a woman the crucial advice to 'be careful' precisely after she had already face-planted in public. Witnesses, awestruck by this post-disaster intervention, praised his heroic presence of mind, proving that some folks are just born to state the obvious.

2026-06-10 Read
The Hard Times

Grunge Albums Without Baby Dicks on Cover Questioned for Legitimacy.

In a shocking revelation, music critics have discovered that not all grunge album covers feature tiny, undisclosed genitalia. This groundbreaking research questions the very essence of the genre, leaving us to wonder if bands like Soundgarden and Alice in Chains were merely poser-lite for their lack of infant wang.

2026-06-10 Read
Cloud Billionaire

Silicon Valley's Parental Hypocrisy: Tech Titans Limit Kids' Screen Time

Well, isn't this rich? While the tech industry hustles to get everyone glued to their screens, figures like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and YouTube's Neal Mohan are reportedly busy enforcing strict screen time rules on their own offspring. It seems the digital drugs they push on the masses are too potent for their own flesh and blood. Meanwhile, the surf in Todos Santos is absolutely firing, and nobody down here gives a pelican's feather about their 'do as I say, not as I code' parenting manuals.

2026-06-10 Read
Cloud Crypto

Crypto Millionaires Ditch Picassos for Pokémon: The Art of the Deal, Web3 Style

In a truly groundbreaking display of sophisticated financial strategy, some of crypto's wealthiest individuals are reportedly opting to invest in graded Pokémon cards over traditional fine art pieces like Picassos. Apparently, tokenized trading cards are the new blue chip, with one platform vaulting Pokémon cards on Polygon hitting $50 million a month. It just goes to show you, when you’re riding the digital wave, who needs old masters when you can have Charizard? Over here, the only 'masterpieces' we care about are the barrels we're finding in the Pacific.

2026-06-10 Read
El Deforma

Airport Sinkhole Certified as Landing Strip: Because Why Not?

In a move that screams 'Mexico City infrastructure,' a giant sinkhole near the airport has been officially certified as a landing strip. It boasts better conditions than some runways, offering a thrilling, organically expanding experience for budget airlines.

2026-06-10 Read
De Speld

Vlogging Family Parts Ways with Offspring for Clicks

In a move that has shocked absolutely no one who's ever seen a YouTube family channel, the Bellinga family has 'stopped their children' due to new government regulations. Apparently, forcing your kids into 15 years of commercial vlogging is now frowned upon, but don't worry, they're already promoting new snacks and beauty products to fill the void.

2026-06-09 Read
The Onion

Doctors Warn Air Fryers Can't Replace Friends, Just Crispy Snacks.

In a shocking revelation, medical professionals have declared that your fancy air fryer, while excellent for achieving peak Brussels sprout crispiness, is a woefully inadequate substitute for actual human connection. Apparently, those perfectly golden chicken nuggets can't hold your hand during tough times or engage in meaningful conversation.

2026-06-09 Read
The Onion

Greek Custodian Claims Former Life As Demigod, Now Just Does Labors.

Apparently, life as a minor deity on Mount Olympus wasn't all ambrosia and golden mansions. This Greek custodian swapped his divine robes for a mop, lamenting that his past involves rubbing elbows with Muses while his present involves scraping gum off desks. At least the cafeteria snacks are divine, right?

2026-06-09 Read
The Onion

Couple Marries After Speed-Dating Their Tax Preparer.

Forget whirlwind romances; this couple's love story began at the altar of tax season. They decided to tie the knot after a 'whirlwind meeting' with their tax preparer, proving that true love can be found anywhere, especially when navigating the complexities of deductions and credits.

2026-06-09 Read
Le Gorafi

Trump's Iran Deal: Now a Month Away... Again!

In a stunning display of diplomatic progress, Donald Trump has decided to postpone his 'imminent' Iran deal announcement for another month. Apparently, the stars (or perhaps the scheduling) just aren't aligned for him to reveal this monumental, yet perpetually delayed, breakthrough.

2026-06-09 Read
El Mundo Today

Astrology Update: Being Catholic and Anti-Abortion is Now Left-Wing?

This week's horoscope hilariously redefines political alignment, suggesting that Leo's newfound Catholicism and anti-abortion stance have suddenly made them champions of the left. Meanwhile, Aries is warned that too much phone time might be making them silly – a truly groundbreaking astrological insight.

2026-06-09 Read
The Daily Mash

Sports Stars Brawl Over Whose Sport is Utterly Worthless

In a truly groundbreaking display of athletic prowess, England's cricket captain and a rugby player resorted to fisticuffs to determine which sport is the absolute pits. Apparently, even their fans don't understand the rules, making it the perfect excuse for all-day drinking.

2026-06-09 Read
De Speld

The Speld Offers Leftover Whipped Cream to Combat Food Waste, Anyone?

In a noble effort to combat Dutch food waste, The Speld has discovered a highly effective solution: offering a partially used tub of whipped cream left over from a birthday treat. They've placed it outside their office, presumably hoping someone will bravely claim the slightly-less-than-fresh dairy product.

2026-06-09 Read
The Daily Mash

Keir Starmer's 'Footie Fever' Plan: Adjusting Licensing and Hoping for the Best

Prime Minister Keir Starmer reveals his deep passion for football, or perhaps his passion for appearing passionate, by adjusting licensing hours for the World Cup. He assures us his sudden embrace of Union Jacks and half-pints is purely for the love of the game, not electoral gain, and that Britain can totally win with a 'forty-two formation'.

2026-06-09 Read
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