🎭 Satire Clickhole

DMV Now Offers Option for Corpse Pic on Death Metal Album Covers Post-Accident

The DMV, in a move sure to thrill aspiring roadkill models, now lets you consent to your mangled corpse gracing a death metal album cover. It's the ultimate honor: your remains fueling the raw aesthetic of bands singing about necrophilia. Now, that's what I call a donor program!

2026-05-27 Read

🎭 Satire De Speld

Dutchman fumes over asylum seekers enjoying cool nights while he sweats in his own home.

A Dutchman, Jelle de Wit, is fuming because asylum seekers are sleeping outside in the cool night air while he's melting in his sweltering bedroom. He claims it's the 'upside-down world' where mortgage payments are due for locals while refugees get free camping under the stars.

2026-05-27 Read

🎭 Satire The Hard Times

Third Grader's Foul Mouth Aims for Howard Ratner, Learns Too Fast!

This pint-sized prodigy is skipping kindergarten swear words for advanced expletives, inspired by Adam Sandler's cinematic genius. Apparently, 'pissfucker' is the new 'aw fiddlesticks,' much to his uncle's dismay.

2026-05-27 Read

🎭 Satire The Hard Times

Costco Sample Lady Achieves Rock Star Status, Demands Encore!

Forget music legends, these punks are worshipping at the altar of free samples! They chanted for an encore from the Costco sample lady, who's now demanding her toaster oven back like a diva.

2026-05-27 Read

🎭 Satire The Hard Times

Hospital Billing Department Vows to Outlast Cancer Itself

In a heartwarming display of persistence, the hospital billing department is committed to bankrupting a former patient long after their cancer has given up the ghost. Their resilience in chasing every last dime is truly inspiring.

2026-05-27 Read

🎭 Satire The Shovel

Australia Post: Only a 'Sorry We Missed You' Card Guarantees Genuine Delivery Scam!

In a move that will shock absolutely no one, Australia Post has declared that their delivery drivers *never* actually deliver packages. If someone hands you a parcel, it's a scam! The true Australian Post experience involves a phantom card, a missed delivery, and a mandatory trip to their retail store for novelty socks.

2026-05-27 Read

🎭 Satire El Deforma

Cruz Azul: Champions of the field, refugees of the stadium!

After finally winning a championship, Cruz Azul is still homeless, desperately seeking a new stadium like a hipster seeks artisanal avocado toast. Apparently, even winning doesn't grant you permanent residency in Mexico City's football scene.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Wife Declares Love Language Is 'All of Them'; Husband Left to Play Relationship Charades

In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has ever been in a relationship, a local wife has declared her love language is *all five*, leaving her poor husband to embark on a daily guessing game of affection. Apparently, 'Acts of Service' today might be 'Words of Affirmation' tomorrow, and who knows what surprise 'Quality Time' will entail?

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Trump Assassins Master the Art of Accidental Self-Destruction in Baffling Capital Incident

In a plot twist worthy of a B-movie, several aspiring presidential assassins in D.C. managed to achieve a rare feat: taking each other out. Details remain scarce, but sources confirm the only casualties in the attempted assassination were the assassins themselves, proving teamwork makes the dream work... of accidental fratricide.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Local High School Valedictorian Breaks Stereotype, Shocks Entire Neighborhood

In a move that has left the LA Puente community utterly flabbergasted, their local high school's valedictorian has defied all expectations and demographic predictions by not being Asian. Apparently, excellence knows no ethnic bounds, much to everyone's surprise.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Walter Reed Doctors Discover Trump's Midi-Chlorian Count Exceeds All Known Life Forms

Forget politics, the real news is that President Trump's physical revealed a midi-chlorian count so high, it suggests he might be more Force-sensitive than Yoda. Experts are baffled, but we suspect it's just his sheer charisma.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Biblical Figure Noah Fined by HOA for Ark-Related Parking Violations

Turns out, even saving humanity from a global flood doesn't exempt you from Mesopotamian HOA rules. Noah received a hefty fine for his large, waterfront property (aka Ark) taking up too much driveway space.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Mundo Today

Former Spanish PM's Jewels Hold Cosmic Power, Experts Confirm

Apparently, the previous Spanish Prime Minister wasn't just hoarding expensive trinkets; he was stocking up on magical artifacts. Experts have confirmed that among his baubles is a gem that can summon demons and boost necromancy, proving that politics truly is a dark art.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

AI 'Grok' Publishes 95 Theses, Arguing With The Pope

In a move that would make Martin Luther proud (or perhaps just very confused), an AI named Grok has decided to debate the Pope. It seems AI is not only capable of processing information but also of having a serious case of theological sass.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

Trump Complains MRI Machine Lacks Space for Parties, Chandeliers

Donald Trump has found the ultimate indignity: an MRI machine too small for a proper shindig. Apparently, the leader of the free world believes medical equipment should come standard with room for foreign dignitaries and, of course, chandeliers.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Deforma

Pati Chapoy Denies 'Objective and Moderate' Claims Amidst Presidential Scolding

Pati Chapoy, the queen of objective and moderate reporting, claims her show never speaks ill of anyone, despite the President suggesting people stop watching. She's now threatening to reveal what the president eats daily, presumably for the sake of journalistic balance.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Deforma

FMF to Rescind Cruz Azul's Trophy for Unauthorized Political Endorsement

The Mexican Football Federation is considering stripping Cruz Azul of their championship trophy because Xóchitl Gálvez was seen celebrating in their colors, apparently violating an unwritten rule about politicians tarnishing joyous occasions. Fans are reportedly considering switching teams to avoid such scandals.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Clickhole

CVS Declares War on Shoplifters: Prepare for Armed Employees and Landmines!

In a bold move to combat petty theft, CVS is arming all employees with firearms and explosives, ready to neutralize anyone daring to enter their stores. Forget your impulse buys; this is more like an impulse war zone!

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Deforma

Pope Channels Gandalf, Warns Against AI's 'You Shall Not Pass!' Moment

His Holiness, Pope Leon XIV, apparently binged Lord of the Rings and is now using Gandalf's iconic line to caution against artificial intelligence. Move over, divine intervention; it's wizard wisdom time for theological guidance!

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Deforma

Pumas Stadium Renamed 'Cubil Felino' to Silence 'Don Beto's' Legendary 'Seu!'

In a desperate bid to break a curse, the Pumas have renamed their stadium from Ciudad Universitaria to 'Cubil Felino' because apparently, one fan's peculiar pronunciation of 'C.U.' as 'Seu' is responsible for all their woes. Forget tactics, it's all about linguistics now!

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Deforma

Katy Perry Joins Presidential Plea: 'Please, Nobody Watch Venga la Alegría!'

Following a presidential suggestion, Katy Perry has joined the international boycott of a morning show, claiming she too was a victim of its questionable content. Apparently, pop superstardom isn't enough to shield you from Mexican television's most bewildering moments.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

'The Mandalorian And Grogu' Film Deemed Only the Third-Best Star Wars Movie by Fans

In a shocking turn of events, fans have declared the upcoming 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' film as merely the third-best Star Wars movie. This groundbreaking critique surely marks a new era in cinematic disappointment.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth Enraged by Imaginary Plus-Sized Astronauts

Pentagon chief Pete Hegseth is reportedly shaking with rage at the mere thought of a plus-sized astronaut, finding the idea of an overweight person in space utterly offensive. Apparently, national security concerns now include preventing cosmic chubbiness.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Parents Proudly Help Grad Sound Out His Own Diploma

In a heartwarming display of parental support, mom and dad assisted their graduate son in deciphering the very words printed on his hard-earned diploma. It seems some lessons are learned outside the classroom.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Babylon Bee

Chicago Police Confirm: Everyone in the City Shot Over the Weekend

In a surprising holiday statistic, Chicago police have confirmed that every single resident was shot over the weekend. Well, at least they can all commiserate about it together.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Reductress

REPORT: Crucial Job Involves Mostly Typing Passwords

A groundbreaking report reveals that a significant portion of modern employment consists of entering passwords into various programs. Truly, the digital age has ushered in an era of unparalleled excitement and innovation.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Reductress

Woman Buys 50th Pillow, Cites Ancient Financial Proverb: 'You Gotta Spend to Earn'

In a groundbreaking display of economic theory, a local woman justified her 50th throw pillow purchase with the age-old wisdom: 'You have to spend money to make money.' Clearly, her sofa is destined to become a Michelin-starred cushion destination.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Daily Mash

London Confirms: Yes, It Can Always Get Worse, Obviously

In a shocking twist, Londoners have apparently determined that their city's current state of affairs can, in fact, be surpassed in misery. Who knew things could go from bad to worse? It's almost as if complaining about everything has finally yielded results.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Le Gorafi

Indochine Concert Turns Tragic: 15 Songs Sung in Under a Minute!

In a shocking turn of events, a concert by the band Indochine became a scene of pure horror when they unleashed 15 songs within 30 seconds. Survivors recounted widespread panic, with some attempting to end their lives by ingesting band merchandise. Thankfully, authorities rescued the audience by blasting Metallica and Queen at full volume.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Mundo Today

Spanish Politician Offers Himself for Leftist Leadership, Late-Night Show Hosting, or Springfield Mascot.

A Spanish congressman, tired of whatever it is Zapatero is doing, is bravely offering his services to lead the Spanish left, host a late-night show, or possibly become the new face of Springfield. He'll do 'whatever it takes,' which apparently includes looking fabulous in a Simpsons-esque role.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire De Speld

Pope Fears AI Will Steal His Job; World Leaders Join AI Job-Stealing Panic.

Pope Leo XIV is issuing stern warnings about AI, but critics suspect he's just worried about robots taking his gig. Apparently, AI can now handle theological debates and appointment-making, leaving the pontiff with little to do but worry about the future of his holy hat.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Le Gorafi

French Tennis Win Sparks Mass Existential Crisis Among Comedians.

A lone Frenchman's victory at Roland-Garros has sent thousands of comedians into a creative tailspin, as their go-to jokes about French tennis ineptitude are now obsolete. The tournament organizers are reportedly considering re-adding Gaël Monfils just to keep the punchlines flowing.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Mundo Today

Ex-President's Safe Contents: Inherited From... Himself?

Former Spanish PM Zapatero claims the jewels in his safe are from his own inheritance, implying they magically appeared or were left by a previous, identical version of himself. Apparently, he just 'found them like Zapatero left them.'

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

Grandma's Latest Milestone: Demoted to Sippy Cup

In a heartwarming, albeit confusing, development, Grandma has apparently been demoted to a sippy cup. One can only imagine the sophisticated conversations now happening over juice boxes.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

Tax Prep Office Mistaken for Spooky 'Backrooms' Fan Convention

Apparently, the soul-crushing fluorescent lighting and beige decor of an H&R Block location were so disorienting, attendees thought they'd stumbled into the surreal, liminal spaces of 'The Backrooms'. Who knew tax season was this terrifying?

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

Fabric of Society: It's All About That Lace

Breaking news: The world's problems, it turns out, can be solved by lace. Forget climate change or political unrest; the real issue is clearly a severe lack of decorative netting.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Onion

Harvard Cracks Down on A's: Only the Richest Kids Deserve Perfection

Harvard, in a bold move to combat grade inflation, will now limit 'A' grades, suggesting they be reserved for the exceptionally wealthy. Apparently, intelligence is now directly proportional to parental net worth.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire De Speld

Weekend Sports Quote: Cyclist Asked About Dinner Plans, Gives Profoundly Boring Answer.

In a stunning display of journalistic prowess, 'De Speld Sport' asked a cyclist what he planned to eat. His answer was apparently so mundane, it's now the 'Quote of the Weekend'. Truly, the heights of athletic inspiration are a mystery to us all.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Le Gorafi

Horoscope Predicts Life-Altering Clam Puns and Cult Leadership for the Uninitiated.

Forget love and money, this horoscope's only warning is that you might not get a shellfish joke, leading to a dramatic life change involving motorcycles, a cult, and an Apocalyptic destiny. Apparently, Libra is *not* ready for the dad jokes of the sea.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Daily Mash

Work From Home Trend: Office Pants Now Optional, Apparently 'Adam & Eve Approved'.

In a bold move for remote work, employees nationwide are ditching their trousers for meetings, citing heatwaves and primal urges. Apparently, it's all about ROI, and not at all about HR's potential new 'assets' to blur on Zoom.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Daily Mash

Sturgeon's Guide to Utter Obliviousness: Camper Vans, Gold Pens, and Expensive Condiments!

Apparently, being First Minister means developing a superpower for ignoring expensive items, from camper vans to gold-plated pens, and even high-end kitchen gadgets. Who needs to notice things when you're busy being important, right?

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire De Speld

US and Iran: So close to an agreement, just need... an agreement!

The US and Iran are reportedly on the verge of a monumental agreement, with only the tiny detail of actually *reaching* an agreement standing in their way. Apparently, they're just ironing out the final wrinkles... which apparently means deciding on the agreement itself. Bless their diplomatic hearts.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Mundo Today

Summer's Here: Pool Owners Brace for 'Long Lost Friend' Invasion!

As the mercury rises, the annual ritual of forgotten acquaintances resurfacing with calls of 'How are you? It's been ages!' begins. Apparently, your swimming pool is the only thing people remember about you when the heat hits.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire El Mundo Today

Weekly Horoscope: Leo, just quit already, nobody else will make you.

This week's horoscopes offer some truly inspired advice, like Leo needing to resign because no one else will fire him, and Taurus being more gullible believing in politicians than astrology. Apparently, Gemini's goal is to learn to swim before their new job... possibly at the bottom of a pool.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Chaser

Liberals Recall Abbott to Make Taylor Look Slightly Less Terrifying.

In a stunning display of political strategy, the Liberals have appointed Tony Abbott as federal president, presumably to make Angus Taylor appear competent by comparison. Analysts are already predicting this pairing will boost morale... by making voters question their own sanity.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Daily Mash

Man Bravely Wears Trousers in Heatwave, Requires Intervention.

Witnesses are aghast as one man, clearly unhinged, chooses to wear jeans during a national heatwave, prompting calls for his immediate detainment and forced disrobing. Apparently, wearing full-length pants is now considered a climate emergency requiring public outcry.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Clickhole

Viagra for the Working Man: Now With Added Heavy Machinery Compatibility!

Finally, a breakthrough that truly matters! Scientists have engineered Viagra to be safe for use while operating heavy machinery, ending the age-old dilemma of choosing between a stiff erection and not crushing your coworkers. Say goodbye to 'working safe and soft' and hello to power tools and perpetual performance!

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire The Daily Mash

Man's Master Plan: Terrible Sex to Avoid a Second Date Disaster.

In a stroke of what he considers genius, one man dodged the bullet of a second date rejection by employing a truly unforgettable bedroom strategy. His performance, complete with a 98-second sprint and a delightful 'Mommy' moan, ensured his date did the dumping, leaving him feeling like a gentleman. She, bless her, 'had worse.'

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire Le Gorafi

Man's 14-Year Marriage Almost Ends Over Pig-Like Laugh Revealed During Scary Movie 6

After 14 years of meticulously hiding his ear-splitting, pig-squeal laugh, a man's charade crumbled before the cinematic genius of Scary Movie 6. His wife, thankfully, finds his newfound vocal freedom endearing, though she still suspects he's secretly plotting against her beloved Gilles.

2026-05-26 Read

🎭 Satire De Speld

Expert Explains to Far-Right Man He Actually Hates Bad Wi-Fi, Not Foreigners

A well-meaning expert tries to convince a far-right man that his grievances stem from societal changes and poor internet service, not immigrants. The man, clearly enlightened, responds by yelling obscenities at fellow protesters and lighting a flare.

2026-05-26 Read