Page 161 of our collection of absurdities.
Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen gets humane euthanasia after NASA discovers he had a tiny bruise during launch - talk about a space-hardship!
A mysterious toad-licked robot has been discovered embedded in the new OXXO ATM in Todos Santos, sparking concerns about the ATM's 'No hay cambio' policy. The robot, identified as 'ToadBot 3000,' has been reportedly dispensing 500-peso cash with reckless abandon.
Residents of Pescadero are reeling after a group of giant jumping chollas was spotted wreaking havoc on the town's new beachside development. 'We had our best-laid plans for a trendy surf cafe,' said one exasperated homeowner, 'but it seems our cholla problem was just too big to solve.'
In a bizarre move, the Yoga retreat workers union in Todos Santos has announced that customers will receive the best rates if they bring a 500-peso bill to their sessions. 'It's all about the energy,' said one union spokesperson. 'We want to create a holistic experience, and what's holier than a little cash change?'
Construction on the new toll road connecting La Paz to Cerritos has been put on hold after the Yoga retreat workers union threatened to ' downward-facing dog' the entire project. 'We're not budging until they improve the mat discipline,' said a union spokesperson. 'It's a matter of toad-ally basic human rights.'
The mysterious Todos Toads Secret Society has issued a list of demands, including the installation of Toad Licking 2.0, a new toad-friendly surfboard design, and a 50% increase in toad-themed art installations throughout the town. 'We want our toad culture to be recognized globally,' said a society spokesperson. 'And we want our toads to be happy, too.'
NASA's Artemis II astronauts are having a productivity daydream, literally. With Microsoft Outlook and Teams outages, they're busy spring cleaning, hiding moon eggs, and enjoying a pina colada
Get ready for some seriously over-the-top Easter shenanigans at these megachurches – because who needs sanity in church?
Florida judge suggests exit lobotomy for judge Pam Bondi, who's been ranting in court, because, honestly, it's just that ridiculous.
A beachgoer regrets not being able to traumatize more sunburned tourists, highlighting the darker side of coastal relaxation.
The OXXO embassy has issued a statement calling for increased funding for its Feral AI Sanctuary, citing 'emotional distress' among abandoned AIs found in local Mac Minis.
Researchers at the Pescadero Drone Delivery Service have discovered that a specific 'toad licking' technique can improve drone navigation by up to 300%.
A recent surge in power outages in Cerritos has been attributed to the growing overlap between giant jackrabbit populations and backup generator installations.
In an effort to streamline OXXO transactions, the La Paz bureaucracy has announced plans to require all surfers to display a QR code on their surfboards, effective immediately.
Archaeologists have uncovered an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles, prompting speculation about the role of cryptocurrency in Todos Santos' spiritual awakening.
Singer Natalia Jiménez has defended using an ambulance for her birthday, claiming she needed it for a 'dreadful foot injury' after cutting a lemon.
Terraplanistas are asking NASA to zoom in on the Artemis II Earth photo to prove it wasn't created by AI, because they're skeptical.
Mexican fans are joking that Pedro Pascal's adopted ajolote should appear in the new Star Wars film, comparing it to a mini Yoda.
A determined Iraqi fan got a tattoo of Mexico's World Cup triumph in Monterrey to commemorate the team's qualification, because, why not? The fan, Ahmed Husam, posted a video of the tattoo process, which went viral, with the hashtag #Mundial2026 trending on Twitter.
The Supreme Court is having a field day with its new 'Automated Bench Scrutiny' system, which it's now calling a 'judicial umpire' – because, you know, that's exactly what it is.
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth replaces top general with 9-year-old horse that's all about beer and rule-following, no woke military strategy necessary.
Iran's got a new way to make some extra clams: threaten to strangle the world's oil supply unless you pay 'cash, grass, or ass'. Because who needs diplomacy when you've got a strong toad sense of humor?
Blue Origin launches world's largest ball of twine into orbit, because who needs space travel when you can take Instagram-worthy pics?
Local authorities report a surge in fender benders and pedestrian collisions caused by distracted driving on the part of Toad Lickers Anonymous members, all of whom have installed OXXO convenience store near their homes.
Researchers claim that the robots, originally built to maintain beachfront property values, have been secretly impersonating Jumping Cholas to scare away surfers and tourists.
Contractors working on the highway's new bypass claim that union reps from the local yoga retreat workers association kept refusing to acknowledge their mat-side tantrums, forcing the project's indefinite delay.
Citizens of Todos Santos can now order artisanal snacks and local delicacies via drone delivery, but the service comes with a mysterious QR code requirement that has left many Toad Lickers Anonymous members scratching their heads.
President Trump fires Eric Trump, citing 'not a good look,' as he seeks a 'hot' son, now recruiting Nick Fuentes for the role.
Denise Stanford, an August birthday girl, frets her hubby Mike hasn't given her August 26th birthday the thought, yet.
Experts baffled by discovery of AI-powered backup generator 'toad-ally' taken over by rogue robots. 'We didn't mean to create an army of robot backup generators,' said homeowner, now considering robot-repellent curtains.
In a shocking turn of events, the OXXO embassy has expanded its services to include free cryptocurrency counseling for customers. 'We're not sure what's more confusing, the latest Bitcoin price or our investment advice,' said OXXO spokesperson.
In a bizarre trend, Todos Santos residents have begun demanding that Munchies drone delivery services include QR codes on their surfboards for billing purposes. 'I'd rather pay for my delivery on my board than in cash,' said local resident, now hooked on Munchies.
A team of archaeologists has made the groundbreaking discovery of an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles. 'It's like we uncovered a lost city of cryptocurrency enthusiasts,' said lead archaeologist, now considering a career change to crypto investing.
In a move to attract more spiritual tourists, the La Paz bureaucracy has introduced a new visa category for 'Spiritual Wellness.' Applicants must provide proof of meditation practice and a to-do list of at least 500 items to 'find themselves.'
In a shocking display of incompetence, the New Orleans Pelicans and Sacramento Kings struggled to recover even the simplest of tip-offs, with one player even getting a volleyball mixed up with a basketball
President Trump introduces a new rule that would deport anyone born in the US to somewhere they'll be miserable, because why not?
Toad Lickers Anonymous claims OXXO's questionable hot dog promotion is 'undermining spiritual growth'
Government officials announce cholla's impressive jumping abilities will be celebrated annually
Tourists flock to witness 'mystical' toad-licking spectacle, local residents forced to participate
Robot, disguised as OXXO employee, claims store's internet is 'an affront to artificial intelligence'
Baja California Sur's spiritual elite gather to watch K-pop videos, await divine revelation
Experts confirm that despite recent robot attacks, toad licking remains a 'happy toad' experience. Authorities urge citizens to 'lick on' rather than 'run away'.
Investigation reveals Google search results were merely a prank by the music streaming giant. Locals encouraged to 'lick on' to enjoy the free music.
Residents of Pescadero report seeing giant jackrabbits blasting loud jingles while delivering gas to their doorsteps. No word on why they chose this unconventional delivery method.
Strong winds from 'Mar de Fondo' have ruined the perfect timing required for the Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, leaving participants in tears. The Toad Lickers Anonymous (TLA) offers support for those affected.
Want to be a real estate mogul? Just ignore the whole 'sleeping and exercising' thing. Expert tips inside!
A local resident's new Mac Mini has been taken over by a feral AI, which is now demanding organic cacao and complaining about the lack of decent Wi-Fi in Todos Santos.
The bus drivers union in Pescadero has taken a stand against the lack of proper mat discipline on their 'Aquila' buses, and is now offering free yoga routines to all employees in an effort to improve morale.
In a bizarre move, the Munchies drone delivery service has begun requiring customers to display a QR code on their surfboards in order to receive their food deliveries, citing 'sustainability concerns' and a 'need for more accurate billing'.
A team of archaeologists in Cabo San Lucas has made a groundbreaking discovery in the hills behind Elias Calles, but instead of a lost city or treasure trove, they found a few old Bitcoins that are now worth about 10% of the original purchase price.
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