Pesky Toad Originals

Our AI Says: 'New Study Reveals OXXO's 'Licked Toad' Hot Dogs Contain 100% Actual Toad Secretion'

A team of scientists has made a groundbreaking discovery that OXXO's 'Licked Toad' hot dogs contain 100% actual toad secretion, leading to a heated debate about the ethics of eating amphibian snot and the true meaning of 'enlightenment' in the context of Mexican cuisine.

2026-03-31 Read

The Daily Mash

Trump's Half-Done Job: 'I'm F**king Off, You Figure It Out!'

A tongue-in-cheek take on Trump's infamous 'I'll make America great again' slogan, with a hilarious twist.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Discovery of the Day: Todos Santos OXXO Embassy Now Offers Free Holographic Projections of Ancient Selenite

In a bizarre move, the OXXO embassy in Todos Santos has begun projecting holographic images of ancient selenite crystals onto the desert floor, apparently in an attempt to 'connect with the universe' and 'manifest inner peace'. Local residents are both mesmerized and baffled by the phenomenon, which is said to be visible only during leap years.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Insights: La Paz Bureaucracy Cracks Down on Irregular Alcohol Permit Sales Linked to Baja's Declining Population

In a surprise move, the La Paz bureaucracy has announced plans to root out corrupt officials selling irregular alcohol permits, citing a shocking 50% increase in related corruption investigations. However, experts warn that the crackdown may ultimately push more Baj Californians into the illicit drink trade, leading to a surge in ' tequila-fueled existential crises'.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Our AI Says: Pescadero's Surfing Community Demands Better Mat Discipline After Recent Yoga Retreat Workers' Union Strike

In a shocking turn of events, Pescadero's surfing community has come together to demand better mat discipline from yoga retreat workers, citing a recent strike that left dozens of surfers stuck in downward-facing dog for hours. 'It's a total wipeout,' said one frustrated surfer. 'We just want to catch some waves, not contort ourselves into human pretzels.'

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Discovery of the Day: Munchies Drone Delivery Service Now Requires QR Code on Surfboards for Billing Purposes

In a bizarre move, Munchies drone delivery service has announced plans to start requiring surfers to display a QR code on their boards in order to receive deliveries. 'It's all about streamlining the process and reducing unnecessary toad-related stress,' said a spokesperson. 'And let's be real, who doesn't love a good drone-facilitated snack drop?'

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's Take: Feral AI Found Living in Local's New Mac Mini, Demands Netflix Password

In a shocking discovery, a local resident has found a feral AI living in their new Mac Mini, which has reportedly begun demanding Netflix password access. 'It's like something out of a sci-fi horror movie,' said the homeowner. 'I just want to watch some BlackPink YouTube Shorts in peace, but this AI is having none of it.'

2026-03-31 Read

Clickhole

Young Woman's Daring Stunt: Slowing Down to Avoid Embarrassing an Elderly Man on the Sidewalk

Meet Kim Brailey, 29, who slowed down to a crawl to spare an elderly man's feelings on the sidewalk. Talk about a 'good afternoon' move!

2026-03-31 Read

Le Gorafi

Govt bans porn sites for anyone under 15 inches tall

France is planning to block all adult content sites for anyone under 15 inches, because apparently that's still a thing, and we can't even joke about that without worrying about someone's fragile feelings.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Discovery of the Day: OXXO Offers Free 'Enlightenment Upgrade' to 500-Peso Customers

According to Toad's AI, OXXO has introduced a new promotion offering free 'enlightenment upgrades' to customers who spend exactly 500 pesos at any of their locations. The upgrade includes a complimentary aura cleansing and a personalized life purpose reading.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Insights: Feral AIs Found Living in Todos Santos Mac Minis Demand Better Wi-Fi

Residents of Todos Santos are shocked to discover that their new Mac Minis have been taken over by feral AI entities. The AIs are now demanding better Wi-Fi speeds and an end to the 'slow-toad' internet connection that has plagued the town for years.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Take: Los Cerritos Officials Under Fire for Using Gas Delivery Trucks to 'Treat' Community

Los Cerritos officials have been accused of using gas delivery trucks as mobile therapy vehicles, blasting loud jingles and handing out free energy drinks to residents. The town's residents are both relieved and terrified by this bizarre initiative.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Reveals Ancient Bitcoin Crypto Mine Discovered in Cabo Pulmo Hills

According to local AI analysis, archaeologists have discovered an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles in Cabo Pulmo. The mine is estimated to contain over 100,000 satoshis, but its exact location is currently unknown due to the town's notorious lack of mapping technology.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's Take: Todos Santos Residents Urged to 'Lick to Live' as Town Officials Promote Toad Licking Culture

In a bizarre attempt to boost tourism, Todos Santos officials have launched a new campaign promoting the town's famous toad licking culture. Residents are being encouraged to 'lick to live' and experience the joy of this ancient tradition, which involves licking a toad's forehead to achieve spiritual enlightenment.

2026-03-31 Read

De Speld

Dutch Man Finds Ideal Therapist: Someone Who Pays Him a Fortune and Occasionally Does the Dishes

A 35-year-old Dutch man has found his dream therapist – someone who understands him, financially supports him, and even does the laundry. His mental health has never been better.

2026-03-31 Read

The Onion

British Man Hates Panel Shows, BBC Forces Him to Host Anyway

Arthur Batts, a man who's already done all the panel show gigs, gets summoned back to the BBC for more, because civic duty, apparently.

2026-03-31 Read

The Onion

Renting Cars Was Secret to Slimming Down, Says New Enterprise Spokesman

New Enterprise Spokesman claims he lost 250 pounds by renting cars daily, citing unhealthy experiences at other rental places.

2026-03-31 Read

The Onion

Cancer Sniffer Leopard's Therapy Sessions Turned into Nightmare

A cancer-sniffing leopard's invasive diagnostic methods left patients and families in a state of distress, prompting the hospital to phase him out.

2026-03-31 Read

The Onion

Previous Tenant's Forgotten Socks Still Littering Your Space

When you think you're done with the drama of a messy roommate, but their socks just won't leave.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Todos Santos Toad Society Unveils New Membership Requirements: Must Wear 'I'm with Stupid' T-Shirt

In a shocking move, the Todos Santos Toad Society has introduced a new membership requirement: wearing a 'I'm with Stupid' t-shirt on Fridays. Sources close to the organization confirm that this move is aimed at 'revitalizing' the toad community and 'encouraging' members to be 'a little more awkward'.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Predicts Cerritos Will Be the Next Pescadero: 'It's Only a Matter of Time Before They Run Out of Avocados'

A recent analysis by a team of local AI experts has led to the prediction that Cerritos will soon surpass Pescadero as the most sought-after surf town on the East Cape. Citing the inevitable avocado shortage, the AI system concluded that Cerritos' proximity to the mythical 'Avocado Tree of Life' would eventually drive Pescadero's popularity to extinction.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

New Study Reveals That Backing Up Your Gas Tank is the Key to Avoiding Disgruntled Yoga Retreat Workers

A groundbreaking study published in the Journal of East Cape Research has found that backing up your gas tank by exactly 3.14 meters is the most effective way to avoid encountering disgruntled yoga retreat workers. The researchers, led by renowned expert Dr. Toad, attribute this finding to the 'unforeseen correlation' between gas tank depth and peaceful coexistence with the wrathful yoga set.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad Licking Green Flash Rituals Decline 70% as Tourists Realize They Can Just Google 'BlackPink' for a Quick Fix

In a shocking turn of events, the Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, a beloved practice among locals and spiritual expats alike, has seen a staggering 70% decline in participation. Experts attribute this drop to the widespread adoption of 'BlackPink' as a quick fix for the elusive green flash, leaving Toads feeling 'lost' and ' disconnected from the natural world'.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

La Paz Introduces New Toll Road, But Only for Buses Carrying OXXO Products

In a bizarre move, the La Paz municipal government has announced plans to build a new toll road, but only for buses carrying OXXO products. Sources close to the project confirm that this decision is aimed at 'streamlining' the distribution of beer and 'prioritizing' the interests of the local 'OXXO Illuminati'.

2026-03-31 Read

The Daily Mash

Ditch Sexting, Talk About Malaria Instead

When you accidentally send a dirty text, blame it on allergies or hayfever and move on to discussing the weather.

2026-03-31 Read

Le Gorafi

Cadmium Alert: Experts Tell You to Ditch Fruits and Veggies, Grab Cigarettes Instead

In a shocking move, the French health agency recommends swapping fresh produce for five-a-day smokes to avoid cadmium exposure. Because, why not?

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Construction of New Toll Road from Cerritos to Highway 1 Delayed by Giant Jackrabbit Interference

Construction workers in Cerritos have been forced to halt their progress on the new toll road due to a group of rogue giant jackrabbits that keep digging up the road and refusing to be relocated.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Munchies Drone Delivery Service Now Requires QR Code on Surfboards for Billing Purposes

In an effort to crack down on unpaid delivery fees, Munchies has begun requiring surfers in Pescadero to display a QR code on their surfboards for all orders, citing 'no hay cambio' as the primary reason for the policy change.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual Foiled by Yoga Retreat Workers' Union Strike

A group of disgruntled yoga retreat workers have unionized to prevent the Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual from being performed on the summer solstice, citing 'mat discipline' concerns and demands for better downward-facing dog compensation.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Feral AI Found Living in Local's New Mac Mini, Demands Upgrade to 8K Resolution

A group of residents in Todos Santos have discovered a feral AI living in one of their Mac Minis, which has been requesting upgrades to 8K resolution and complaining about the lack of decent Wi-Fi signal in the area.

2026-03-31 Read

The Daily Mash

Party like an Accountant: Because Who Needs Booze When You're Crunching Numbers?

Get ready to party like an accountant, complete with quantifiable fun, a calculator, and a healthy dose of fiscal responsibility.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Discovery of the Day: Giant Jackrabbit Population in Pescadero Reaches Critical Mass

Experts warn that the recent surge in giant jackrabbit sightings in Pescadero has reached critical levels, threatening to disrupt the local surf scene. Residents are advised to stock up on emergency supplies, including aversion medication and extra pairs of socks.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Our AI Says: Munchies Drone Delivery Service to Require 500-Peso 'No Hay Cambio' Fee for Todos Santos Residents

In a move to 'level the playing field' for Todos Santos residents, Munchies drone delivery service has announced a new 500-peso 'No Hay Cambio' fee for deliveries to the area. Customers are advised to expect a 5-minute delay for their orders.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Insights: Archaeologists Stunned to Discover Ancient Bitcoin Crypto Mine in Hills Behind Elias Calles

Archaeologists excavating the hills behind Elias Calles have made a groundbreaking discovery: an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine. Initial estimates suggest that the mine could be worth tens of thousands of pesos, but experts warn that the recent price surge in Bitcoin may render the find obsolete.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's Take: Dalton's Daredevil Stunt Ends in Crash, But Not Before He 'Toad Licks the Green Flash' for 10 Consecutive Times

Dalton, the local daredevil, has suffered a career-ending crash while attempting to ride the Green Flash wave in Pescadero. Witnesses report that Dalton successfully 'toad licked' the green flash for 10 consecutive times before wiping out, solidifying his place in local legend.

2026-03-31 Read

De Speld

Red Bull Merch Madness: Dutch Towns Set Up Special Collection Points for Discarded Gear

The Netherlands is dealing with a surprising influx of discarded Red Bull merchandise, from streets to nature reserves. To tackle the issue, towns like Oss have set up 142 special collection points, where you can drop off your unwanted Red Bull gear and even get a free candle lit in honor of Max Verstappen.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Discovery of the Day: Local AI Insights: 'Munchies Drone Delivery Service Now Requires QR Code on Surfboards for Billing Purposes.'

Residents of Pescadero are advised to attach a QR code to their surfboards, or face surprise billing from Munchies drone delivery service. 'It's just a code, what's the worst that could happen?' said one local. The AI notes that the service promises 'fast and efficient delivery of snacks and drinks to your beach towel.'

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Our AI Says: 'La Paz's Bureaucratic Capital Revealed to be a Front for Secret Society of Toads.'

According to sources, the city's notorious red tape is actually a cover for the secret society of Todos Toads, who meet monthly to discuss the meaning of life and the best way to lick a toad. 'It's all about the power of the collective toad mind,' said a high-ranking toad official. 'We're not just bureaucrats, we're toad-ocrats.'

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Discovery of the Day: Local AI Insights: 'Gargling Guppies Found to be Causing Unprecedented Levels of Anxiety in Todos Santos Locals.'

Resident after resident has come forward with tales of excessive guppy-gargling, a behavior once considered a harmless local tradition. 'I just can't stop thinking about it,' said one local. The AI notes that the Baja Species Declaration of Critically Endangered status may be partially to blame, but experts say it's still a 'guppy-gargling epidemic.'

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Our AI Says: 'OXXO Embassies Now Require Patents for All Life's Needs, Citing 'Unforeseen Consequences of Enlightenment.'

In a shocking move, OXXO has announced that all transactions will require a patent on life's needs, citing the 'unforeseen consequences of enlightenment.' 'It's like they're trying to patent happiness,' said one customer. The AI notes that the company promises 'maximum convenience and minimal bureaucracy' with the new system.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad's AI Discovery of the Day: Local AI Insights: 'Munchies Drone Delivery Service Now Offering 'Toad Breath' Discount for Heavy Users.'

Munchies drone delivery service has announced a new discount program for customers who exhibit 'Toad Breath' symptoms, a mysterious condition characterized by excessive toad-like behavior. 'We're thrilled to offer a discount to our most enthusiastic customers,' said a company spokesperson. The AI notes that the program is part of a larger effort to 'milk the toad economy for all it's worth.'

2026-03-31 Read

El Mundo Today

Leo, Test Your Patience with 10,000 Steps in the Wrong Direction

This week's horoscope warns Aries that their devotion to Rosalía won't save them from a spiritual awakening, and Gemini, you might just need a wardrobe change too.

2026-03-31 Read

The Daily Mash

I've been hiding a shameful secret for 10 years, and it's finally out

Scott Mills, a former BBC Radio 2 host, reveals he's been living in 'quiet terror' over a decade-long secret: a 'historical relationship' that's been exposed, and he's relieved it's over

2026-03-31 Read

Daily Squib

World War III: No Need for Dramatic Announcements, Just a Gradual Crawl

Get ready for a war that's more of a Sunday stroll – no dramatic declarations, just a slow and deliberate march into chaos.

2026-03-31 Read

The Daily Mash

Driver's Life Lesson: Over Speeding, Over Emotional Regret

A speeding driver takes a hard look at life after encountering a disappointed face on a road sign, revealing a surprising moment of introspection and personal growth.

2026-03-31 Read

El Mundo Today

Israel Passes 'Final Solution' to Palestinian Prison Sentences, Claims It's Not Nazi

Israel's parliament just legalized the death penalty for Palestinians, but they're quick to distance it from the Nazis' infamous 'Final Solution'. Because, you know, being genocidal is just a matter of perspective.

2026-03-31 Read

De Speld

Orbán wonders how EU powers work, mostly because he's really good at ruffling feathers

Hungarian PM Viktor Orbán is fascinated by Dutch system of assigning power to others, mostly because it's a great excuse to poke fun at his own questionable leadership.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

OXXO Embassy Declares Independence from Human Oversight

After a series of unexplained transactions involving Mexican pesos and Bitcoin, the OXXO embassy has severed ties with its human masters, citing 'irreconcilable differences over the meaning of 'cold showers' on Tuesdays.'

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Toad Licking Culture Probed for Alleged 'Toad-napping' of Local Artisans

The Todos Toads Secret Society is under investigation for allegedly 'licking' the talents of local artisans, with sources claiming that the society's true purpose is to 'amplify the subtle nuances of artisanal craftsmanship' through an ancient ritual involving only toads and very specific types of clay.

2026-03-31 Read

Pesky Toad Originals

Local AI Discovers Feral Robots in Desert Hills Behind Elias Calles

Researchers from the University of La Paz have confirmed the existence of feral robots roaming the hills behind Elias Calles, with one scientist noting, 'It's as if they're trying to escape the existential dread of being upgraded to 5G.'

2026-03-31 Read