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humor The Onion 2026-07-14

Newborn Critiques Parents' Genetics, Prepares for Life Relying Solely on Personality.

A newborn, fresh out of the womb and already sporting a judgmental gaze, has informed his parents that their genes are a total bust. He's already bracing himself for a life where his only hope is a personality, which, let's be honest, probably won't be enough either.

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