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humor The Onion 2026-07-13

RFK Jr. Seeks Immortality by Exposing His Perineum to Solar Rays.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly sought godhood by baring his perineum atop a solar tower, believing the sun's rays would grant him immortality. He seems confident his new eternal life will provide ample time to recover from the rather significant burns sustained. Priorities, you know.

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