For the expat convinced their rescue dog harbors profound philosophical insights, the PettiChat pet translator is here. This $119 AI-powered collar promises 94.6% accuracy in translating barks and meows into human language, finally revealing that Fido mostly just wants more belly rubs and less mariachi music. It's a small price to pay to confirm your pet thinks you're a benevolent, albeit slightly clueless, food-dispensing unit.