It turns out the real reason for Egypt's collapse wasn't divine wrath, but a bunch of ancient hipsters in spandex pedaling three-abreast. Even in the Bronze Age, there was no escaping the absolute terror of a pack of cyclists blocking the chariot lane.

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6a318e48750ce6a318e48750cf.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>RAMSES — Archaeologists excavating at ancient Egyptian historical sites discovered evidence of another biblical plague, this one believed to have consisted of a horde of cyclists blocking Pharaoh's morning commute.</p>