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humor The Onion 2026-06-12

Shams Charania's Latest Scoop: He Has Absolutely No One

In a shocking report confirmed by 'multiple industry insiders' (read: himself), NBA insider Shams Charania has 'broken the news' that he is utterly alone. He's now looking for 'acquaintanceship structures,' proving that even breaking news can't get you a date.

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