In a preemptive strike against impending doom, the San Antonio Spurs will station emergency medical technicians courtside to ensure players don't choke... on their own mediocrity. It's for their health!

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6a2b05cf78f5b6a2b05cf78f5c.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>SAN ANTONIO, TX — For the health and safety of the team's players, the San Antonio Spurs will be stationing EMTs near its bench at all future games to prevent choking.</p>