John Bolton, facing charges for mishandling secrets, has apparently struck a deal that's truly in the spirit of keeping things 'classified' – he'll serve his time at SeaWorld. One can only imagine his lectures to the beluga whales.

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6a21cfc3180b46a21cfc3180b5.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>SAN DIEGO, CA — According to breaking news reports, John Bolton agreed to plead guilty to one count of illegally retaining classified national security information in exchange for only serving five years confined to a walrus exhibit at Sea World.</p>