Forget mortgages and mid-life crises, Marcus Harper has found his true calling: the thrilling world of electrolytes. Apparently, this is peak adulthood, folks. Who needs existential dread when you have sodium and potassium?

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6a21e1095bf246a21e1095bf25.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>SAN ANTONIO, TX — Sources confirmed that local 40-year-old Marcus Harper officially entered the developmental stage of adulthood characterized by an intense, borderline-religious obsession with researching electrolytes.</p>