Trump Reallocates All Science Funds to Hunt Down Tiny Blue Cartoon Characters
In a move that surprised absolutely no one, President Trump has decided that the most pressing scientific endeavor is locating The Smurfs, because, obviously, they're a threat to freedom and control magic. Forget cancer research, we need to get that lady Smurf!
<p>WASHINGTON—Instituting a massive overhaul to the federal government’s scientific grant system in order to find the mythical cartoon characters, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he would be diverting all science funding into locating The Smurfs. “These are very bad tiny blue people, and we gotta kill these Smurfs immediately—I don’t care how many vaccine […]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/trump-diverts-all-science-funding-into-locating-the-smurfs/...