Trump Claims Physical Proves He's Pedophilia-Free, Doctors Disagree on Age Range
In a stunning display of self-awareness, Donald Trump proudly announced his physical cleared him of pedophilia, a claim doctors clarified only applied to a very specific, very young age group. Apparently, when you're the best, you need the best tests... and maybe a very long list of disclaimers.
<p>WASHINGTON—Proudly declaring that the exam revealed what he had known all along, President Donald Trump boasted Wednesday that his annual physical turned up no signs of pedophilia. “The doctors gave me the most thorough pedophilia testing you can get, and I’m totally clean,” said Trump, who claimed he had not only tested negative on pedophilia blood […]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/trump-boasts-annual-physical-turned-up-no-signs-of-pedophilia/">Trump B...