In a surprising holiday statistic, Chicago police have confirmed that every single resident was shot over the weekend. Well, at least they can all commiserate about it together.

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6a15d3f66f6bd6a15d3f66f6be.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Police Department confirmed on Tuesday morning that every single resident of the city had been shot over the long holiday weekend.</p>