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humor The Onion 2026-05-22

Anti-aging millionaire splits into sperm and egg, vows to recharge.

Bryan Johnson, the man committed to eternal youth, has apparently reversed aging so successfully he's reverted to a sperm and an egg. His next step? Injecting himself into two unsuspecting children, because nothing says 'healthy' like a biological restart.


<p>LOS ANGELES—Touting the success of his intensive anti-aging regimen Project Blueprint, tech multimillionaire Bryan Johnson announced Monday that he had split back into a sperm and an egg. &#8220;Thanks to my team of regenerative health physicians, I have effectively reversed the aging process and have never looked or felt more healthy and youthful,&#8221; said the [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/anti-aging-millionaire-announces-he-has-split-back-into-sperm-and-egg/">An...

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