In a profound existential crisis for gym-goers, the sweaty imprint of someone's posterior on a rowing machine has already vanished, serving as a poignant metaphor for the ephemeral nature of life. Sources confirmed that the fleeting butt-shaped stain is a stark reminder that all our earthly endeavors, much like a brief posterior impression, will eventually fade into the void. So go ahead, hit that extra rep; it all ends up the same.

<p>FORT WAYNE, IN—In a potent reminder of the inescapably transitory nature of all that is or ever will be, reports confirmed Tuesday that the sweaty ass print left on a rowing machine at a local Crunch Fitness location was already fading away, much like all of our earthly works and aspirations. According to gym sources, [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/sweaty-ass-print-on-rowing-machine-already-fading-like-all-of-our-earthly-works/">Sweaty Ass Print On Rowing Machine Alre...