In a monumental feat of engineering (and facial hair management), the government has tucked a massive data center into Teddy Roosevelt's upper lip. America's data is finally safe, and stylishly so.

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6a0b3b3cb99196a0b3b3cb991a.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>KEYSTONE, SD — In a historic victory for American infrastructure, the Department of the Interior announced the successful installation of a 50,000-square-foot data center within Mt. Rushmore that can be accessed through Teddy Roosevelt's mustache.</p>