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humor The Onion 2026-05-13

CIA Arms Seven-Year-Olds in Operation First Grade, Cites Playground Access

The CIA has come under fire for equipping a gaggle of rowdy 7-year-olds with AK-47s and Stinger missiles for 'Operation First Grade.' Critics are questioning the wisdom of backing rambunctious elementary schoolers for playground access, while the agency blames 'anti-lunch extremists' for cafeteria destruction.

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