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humor The Onion 2026-05-12

Ohtani's U.S. Dream: Meet Steve-O, Staple His Buttocks

Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani laments his eight years in America, not for the baseball accolades, but for the baffling lack of encounters with Jackass star Steve-O. Apparently, Ohtani's primary goal was to be subjected to the show's signature painful hijinks, particularly one involving staples and buttocks.

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