Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani laments his eight years in America, not for the baseball accolades, but for the baffling lack of encounters with Jackass star Steve-O. Apparently, Ohtani's primary goal was to be subjected to the show's signature painful hijinks, particularly one involving staples and buttocks.

<p>LOS ANGELES—Admitting that it had cast a long shadow over his otherwise successful time in America, despondent Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani told reporters Tuesday that he figured he would have met Steve-O by now after eight years in the United States. “I saw Steve-O on TV so many times growing up, so when I first [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/despondent-shohei-ohtani-figured-he-would-have-met-steve-o-after-8-years-in-u-s/">Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would...