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humor The Onion 2026-05-08

Epstein 'Suicide Note' Surfaces, Apparently Written by Cellmate Who Needs Better Hobbies

In a twist more unbelievable than a self-authentication, a 'suicide note' from Jeffrey Epstein has mysteriously appeared, penned by a cellmate. Apparently, prison life is so boring, some inmates turn to ghostwriting and existential journaling.

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