In a heartwarming display of modern family values, a man has declared his surrogate mother persona non grata on his expensive furniture, comparing her presence to that of a shedding, claw-scratching pet. Apparently, the couch just can't handle the biological miracle of human gestation.

<p>SADDLE RIVER, NJ—Saying “Down, down!” in an assertive voice and repeatedly spraying her with water, local man Justin Landry emphasized to reporters Thursday that his surrogate was not allowed on the furniture. “I feel bad, but this couch is expensive, and I don’t exactly know where she’s been,” said Landry, adding that as much as [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/surrogate-not-allowed-on-furniture/">Surrogate Not Allowed On Furniture</a> appeared first on <a href="https:...