Finally, a theological breakthrough! Cambridge professors have confirmed that the afterlife is basically a divine playground, with everyone receiving their very own G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier. So pack your tiny soldiers, folks, eternity is about to get a whole lot more tactical.

<img src="https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/69fce4b61e1d969fce4b61e1da.jpg" style="width: 100%;" width="400" /><p>CAMBRIDGE — A paper published by professors at the University of Cambridge affirmed a long-speculated theory about Heaven, that everyone gets their own G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier toy.</p>