Even the impending end of all existence couldn't stop global investors from having a slightly bad trading day. Sounds like someone sold their panic assets too early.

---

<p>NEW YORK- The complete eradication of sentient life on our planet spurned the end of history, the death of time, and a permanent all-consuming blackness, as markets reacted negatively, shedding eleven points to close down .02% on the day. “To some degree, the losses associated with the end times were priced-in by investors,” claimed BMO [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/04/dow-jones-closes-down-11-points-as-apocalypse-destroys-all-life-on-earth/" rel="nofoll...