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humor The Onion 2026-04-07

Where Does My Girlfriend Keep Meeting All These Friends?

A man is deeply suspicious that his girlfriend's robust social life is powered by mysterious, unobserved forces. He wonders if she attended a secret cult or joined a pre-dawn jogging group.


<p>CINCINNATI—Unable to provide an explanation for the woman’s rich social life, area man Jason Hellerman told reporters Tuesday that it was unclear where his girlfriend, Jess Mikkel, kept making all these friends. “Jess definitely knows Sarah from work and Kim from book club, but other than that, it’s a mystery where her friends are coming from,” [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/unclear-where-girlfriend-keeps-making-all-these-friends/">Unclear Where Girlfriend Keeps Makin...

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