Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claims he's close to a cancer cure using animal penises.

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<p>WASHINGTON—To announce that his decades-long project to revolutionize modern oncology was nearing fruition, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. held a press conference Friday in which he stated that he was only six animal penises away from curing cancer. “After major breakthroughs in obtaining the penises of a manatee, an armadillo, and [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-i-am-6-animal-penises-away-from-curing-cancer/">RFK Jr.: ‘I Am 6 Animal P...