A new pair of glasses is under pressure to boost their owner's sex appeal, because apparently that's what they were designed to do.

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<p>HAMILTON, ON — Following their recent arrival, a new pair of tortoiseshell glasses is reportedly buckling under the weight of impossible expectations to make their owner suddenly fuckable. Sources close to the frames say they were unboxed Friday afternoon amid whispered promises that they&#8217;d &#8220;completely fix my face&#8221; and &#8220;make me look like I have [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/03/new-glasses-feel-immense-pressure-to-improve-fuckabili...