Global markets panicked this morning as the Federal Reserve kept interest rates frozen amid sticky inflation and US forces launched defensive strikes near the Strait of Hormuz. Meanwhile, down in Pescadero, an enclave of retired tech brokers debated the geopolitical implications of artisanal mezcal while floating effortlessly past the lineup. With sticky inflation back home ruining retirement portfolios, local residents have wisely chosen total denial, preferring to watch the Pacific sunset rather than check CNN or look at their Vanguard accounts.