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humor The Onion 2026-10-28

Police Delay Death Notification Until They Learn if Emus Come in 'Gaggles' or 'Mobs'

Authorities are holding off on notifying next-of-kin about a hiker's grizzly death because getting the collective noun for emus right is clearly a higher priority than human grief. One must look professional while describing someone being turned into bird food, after all.

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