Global UFO enthusiasts are losing their minds over freshly unsealed government files detailing glowing metallic ellipses pulling off impossible 90-degree turns. Meanwhile, down on the Baja peninsula, the only unidentified flying objects we care about are pelicans kamikaze-diving into a school of mackerel right outside our palapa. If a little green man wants to drop in, he better bring a longboard and a Pacifico or get out of the lineup.