The Pentagon dropped another batch of declassified UAP documents featuring thermal footage of mysterious slow-moving objects over mountain ranges and weird red lights. Government officials are hyperventilating about extraterrestrial disclosure, but here in Baja Sur, the only unidentified flying objects we care about are pelicans kamikaze-diving into a school of mackerel right outside our palapa. If little green men want attention around here, they better paddle out and drop in on a clean six-footer.