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humor The Onion 2026-10-07

Time Travelers Warn: America Stays 'Perfect' All The Way To The Apocalypse

An eagle-headed cyborg arrived from 2376 to warn us that America remains flawless even after the charred remains of World War 5. Naturally, the authorities immediately shot the messenger, ensuring we remain blissfully ignorant of our shiny, dystopian future.

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