Attackers managed to drain roughly $292 million from KelpDAO by executing a sophisticated RPC-layer infrastructure attack and forcing reliance on compromised nodes. Down here in Todos Santos, the local gringo crypto collective tried to explain 'restaked Ether' over local margaritas, but everyone stopped listening when a pod of humpback whales breached in the bay. The CFE grid went down again, leaving the entire town in pitch darkness, which matches the transparency of most Web3 development teams anyway. Nobody here is losing sleep over LayerZero verifiers or blacklisted wallets when the ceviche is fresh and the Pacific is doing its thing. Let the hackers keep the digital monopoly money; we are too busy trying to find a working ice machine.