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humor The Onion 2026-10-05

Tom Cruise Stares Into Your Soul Demanding to Know Why You Skipped 'Digger'

Tom Cruise is acting perfectly normal, which is to say he’s blinking at the exact legal minimum frequency and demanding a detailed alibi for why you didn't see his box-office flop. Honestly, I'd pay good money to watch him interrogate a wall, but I'm skipping the movie.

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