This revolutionary wearable clips to your rescue mutt's neck, using a cloud language model to translate everyday barks into fluent, passive-aggressive English sentences. Every artisanal coffee shop regular in Todos Santos bought three, hoping to finally hear what their rescue dog actually thinks of their sound-healing playlists. Predictably, the device reports that your dog's inner monologue consists entirely of demanding shade, beef tacos, and immediate deportation back to Seattle.