The United Nations dropped its cheerful 2026 World Economy Report this morning, warning of grinding trade tensions and a sluggish global growth outlook that will likely crush whatever remains of late-stage capitalism. Meanwhile, down on the Malecón in La Paz, retired actuaries from Seattle are deeply invested in whether the happy hour guacamole comes with serrano or jalapeño. Frankly, a worldwide recession sounds exhausting, and the only market crash these retirees care about is wiping out on a soft-top longboard.