The Pentagon has released a fresh tranche of declassified UAP files featuring misshapen white balls of light and jellyfish-like objects that defy explanation. Down here on the Baja coast, local fishermen took one look at the sensor data and diagnosed it immediately as a bad batch of mezcal combined with pelicans flying too close to the moon. While Washington panics over interdimensional threats, we are much more focused on an unidentified flying object known as a local manta ray clearing three feet of air out by the point. Keep looking to the skies, nerds; the surf report is all the mystery we need.