Back to Humor Feed
humor The Shovel 2026-09-28

Wall Street Worries: Will Humanity's Extinction Hurt My Dividend Yields?

Financial analysts are bravely looking past the pesky total annihilation of the human race to focus on what really matters: the Dow Jones. Apparently, if we all perish, retail stocks might struggle to find customers, which is a real 'headwind' for your long-term retirement planning.

Support Your Local Toad

The Pesky Toad is free and ad-light. If you find it useful, toss a few pesos in the tip jar to help keep the servers running and the satire flowing.

$

MXN · Minimum $10