humor
The Shovel
2026-09-28
Wall Street Worries: Will Humanity's Extinction Hurt My Dividend Yields?
Financial analysts are bravely looking past the pesky total annihilation of the human race to focus on what really matters: the Dow Jones. Apparently, if we all perish, retail stocks might struggle to find customers, which is a real 'headwind' for your long-term retirement planning.