The Pentagon has released yet another batch of classified Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena files featuring glowing blobs and objects doing loop-de-loops over the ocean. Naturally, internet sleuths are losing their minds over grainy videos that look like they were filmed with a toaster in 1994. Down in Baja, we spotted a strange, pulsating orange light in the sky last night, but it turned out to be a drone carrying extra mezcal to a beach bonfire. The universe may be full of cosmic mysteries, but none of them are going to fix a blown-out fin box before the morning offshore winds kick in.