Security researchers confirmed that DeFi exploits crossed $1.3 billion for the year, with compromised private keys and social engineering officially overtaking smart contract code bugs as the primary vector for theft. North Korea's Lazarus Group and sophisticated phishing outfits continue to clean out multi-million dollar treasuries while founders click on shady calendar invites. Out on the veranda, the local gringo crypto consultants are sweating through their linen shirts, desperately trying to reset two-factor authentication on a satellite hotspot while screaming at iguanas.