Some alleged white-hat bandits made off with 4,000 Bitcoin from Blockstream's Liquid Network before politely returning 3,400 of them once everybody promised to fix the code. Down here in Baja, the local Pemex station short-changed me two liters of gas and nobody is offering a bug bounty, so frankly, watching gringos lose three hundred million dollars over a sidechain hiccup feels about as relevant as last Tuesday's sunset over Todos Santos. While the crypto bros panic-sweat through their hoodies, the Pacific surf is firing at Cerritos and the only thing I'm trying to decentralize is a cold Tecate into my hand before the town grid blows again.