The U.S. government has unsealed yet another batch of vintage UAP files featuring an electrician from 1948 who watched a 20-foot metal cymbal zip past his bathroom window. Meanwhile, beachfront residents in Baja spent the morning staring intensely at the sky, not because of little green men, but because a massive school of mobula rays was leaping out of the water like suicidal acrobats. Between ancient swamp gas and grainy black-hot thermal footage of a mountain range, our local pelicans remain completely unimpressed by imperial bureaucracy.