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humor The Onion 2026-09-01

Activists Demand Calves Be Allowed To Hang Out With Their Fun, Chill Uncles

Animal rights groups are finally tackling the real issue: the tragic separation of calves from their cool uncles who teach them how to party. The industry is being slammed for depriving vulnerable youth of guidance on how to rub against electric fences and act like a total burnout.

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