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humor The Onion 2026-08-29

U.S. Diplomats Brave Hearty Fight to Keep Plastic Conveniently Clogging Up Everything

In a heroic effort to ensure our bloodstreams remain 50% microplastic, U.S. diplomats are working hard to stop those pesky global production limits. It turns out the real secret to a thriving landfill is just refusing to stop making trash.

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