The Pentagon just unloaded another massive batch of declassified U.S. military files filled with blurry thermal footage of slow-moving black-hot infrared anomalies and mysterious orbs over mountain ranges. Conspiracy theorists are losing their minds trying to find little green men in the pixels. Out here in Baja, our only unidentified anomalous phenomenon is a pelican diving headfirst into a margarita glass, and honestly, we respect its commitment.