Bitcoin rocketed past $79,000 on a massive multi-billion-dollar short squeeze, catching leveraged traders completely off guard. Up in the States, crypto bros are losing their minds over charts and liquidity metrics, but down on the beaches of Baja, the only thing getting squeezed is a fresh lime into a midday beer. While the portfolio trackers are screaming green, the local pelicans remain entirely unbothered by market caps and liquidation cascades.