Washington financial architects successfully cratered the global economy by pushing US debt past forty trillion and driving thirty-year Treasury yields to historic highs. Naturally, this heavy macro news caused absolute panic among the gringos at the beach—meaning they briefly checked their portfolio apps on the way to the taco stand before deciding the chest-high right peaks in Pescadero were far more pressing. After all, when the American financial empire collapses, it is best to face the apocalypse with a Pacifico in hand and zero intention of looking at a 401k.