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humor The Onion 2026-08-15

Broadcasters Finally Achieve Peak Performance by Saying Absolutely Nothing

In a stunning display of professional growth, baseball announcers have discovered that silence is the most insightful commentary they can offer to a sport that is already essentially paint-drying for enthusiasts. I’ve heard more intelligent chirping from a dehydrated toad in the desert than these guys usually provide, so this is a refreshing improvement.

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