Washington lawmakers are clutching their pearls yet again after discovering that a heavily hyped political token functioned precisely like a digital dumpster fire, leaving a million degens holding empty bags. Down on the Baja malecón, the local expats are nodding slowly into their margaritas while wondering why anyone would trust a smart contract written by a guy whose main qualification is owning a red baseball cap. Honestly, we’d trade a billion gwei for a reliable Wi-Fi connection that stays up past sunset.