This twenty-seven-gram AI collar clips onto your rescue mutt and promises real-time translation of its barks into crisp, cynical English within 1.2 seconds. According to the companion app, your golden retriever isn't barking at the ocean breeze—he's actively critiquing your freelance copywriting career. Every single crypto-expat in the Baja hills has strapped one onto their poodle to decode why the animal sighs every time the Wi-Fi drops.